Marriage is the reason we love weddings. It’s not the pretty centerpieces with fresh flowers, the gorgeous lace gowns, the way he tears up as she walks down the aisle, or the way she giggles as they snuggle close on the dance floor. Those things are great & we love witnessing them- don’t get us wrong- but there is something even more beautiful about the marriage to come after the wedding- the being there with each other through the mundane, the helping one another through the hard times, the comfort & calm of the day-to-day routine, the little things that are truly the big things, the decision made daily to do life together & to cherish one another for life- THAT is why we love photographing weddings. Weddings are the very first step in a couple’s journey toward together forever. They’re a grand celebration of the love that a couple will share for the rest of their lives.
If you’ve followed our blog for any length of time, we’re sure you’ve picked up on that about us. Marriage is very important to us. We “preach” that investing in your marriage is truly important. That you should continually date your spouse. That knowing your spouse’s love language and “speaking it” to them often is key to a successful marriage. That you shouldn’t go through the motions or take your spouse for granted. That you should strive to live and to love one another intentionally each day.
So why is this blog post entitled “Why We’re Hypocrites”? Well, lately we’ve gotten busy & we’ve been pouring our time and efforts and energy into two main things- our daughter & our wedding clients. Our lives changed BIG TIME when we had Tenley in February. We’re still adjusting to the fact that we have another family member that takes up a lot of our time (in a great way!) and the fact that our business isn’t routine in a lot of ways. We’re at different venues each weekend, we’re going to sessions in various places throughout the week at inconsistent times, we’re having meetings and consultations without a routine to them, etcetera. It has been a lot of fun. We love it. We love Tenley more each day. And we love our clients & that this is our business & our life. But it has been a challenge and something that we’re getting used to on a daily basis- the juggling.
And I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve failed as a wife a few times lately. I was always the person saying, “When our baby comes along, we’ll still make one another a priority. We’ll still go on regular date nights. We won’t be one of those couples who pours everything into their child to the detriment of their marriage because, ultimately, that’s bad for everyone, the kid included.” Yet, here we are, more than four months after Tenley’s birth, and we haven’t been on a single date since she was born. We haven’t been making our marriage a priority. We’ve been giving our time to Tenley & to our clients. And that’s why we’re hypocrites. But we’ve resolved to do better. We’ve resolved to get back on track. A date night will be one more thing to juggle, but we shouldn’t view it as such. We have an amazing support system and people who would LOVE to hang out with Tenley while we go be together as husband and wife and not as mom, dad, and baby. We need that now and again, ya know? And instead of getting that little bit of extra work done or making an excuse as to why we don’t want to leave Tenley (leaving her is the hardest part!), we should do at least one date night per month.
My favorite psychologist told us during the latest marriage retreat that we attended that the two most difficult times in a marriage are after the first child is born and after the last child leaves the home. So we need to invest in our relationship and make one another a priority. We’ll miss Tenley, of course, but we’ll all three be better for it and stronger as a family.
Please let this be an encouragement to anyone out there: even those people who are proponents of marriage and try their best to make their marriage a priority fail sometimes. No one is perfect. And that’s okay. As long as we recognize that we need to get back on track & to be intentional with our time & continually strive to be better together every single day. And that’s what we’re going to do! Hopefully there will be a Josh & Danielle Files Date Night blog post coming soon. . . 🙂